‘Even though I hurt see I smile’. Yesterday, for one hour I listened to Kirk Franklin’s song ‘I Smile’. When I am feeling really sad and defeated, it tops my list of songs that lift my spirit. And however hard; I wear this smiley face, and carry on as though all is well but inside I know something’s broken.
I cry alone in the kitchen, then quickly splash cold water over my face, and really, really carry on as though all is well.
Then I just wonder, is it just me, or are there people who cry alone, who listen to Kirk Franklin’s and other uplifting songs and carry on as though all is well.
Who are afraid to show the world that they hurt. Because the world owes no one anything.
I fear to show my tears; it is a sign of weakness, is it?
I fear to admit my loneliness; no, put on a brave face.
I am even ashamed to reach out for help. I am afraid to be turned down.
Smile. Put on a face; carry on as though all is well.
Everyone has enough burden on their shoulders. It is tough, for us all, but life has to go on.
In my tears; as I seek to stand on firm ground; on my own—let I smile-and carry on as though all is well. But maybe I am not alone. There is just but one story for all of us.
Because when it is hard to hold it together; when I call for help; when my tears overshadow my smile, and doubt only allows for a broken smile;
When I hold out my hand, please take it. I am only human-weak-hold me and walk with me. Help me; in that instance, maybe I shall help you too. Maybe in that moment you shall look at the tears in my eyes, and you shall see yourself. When you feel the doubt in my talk, maybe you shall remember the times when, just like me, you wavered, you doubted, you feared, because you, just like me, are human.
Hold my hand, and even though you don’t have that which I need; holding my hand will be enough. Because then, tomorrow comes soon enough; with you by my side. Tomorrow will bring that which I desire. And it is okay.
Elizabeth Ombati 